


Just last family on earth things

by syzygyy



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Last Knight on Earth (Comics 2019)
Genre: Batjokes, Batjokes Santa, Christmas, Family, Gen, Humor, batman and noggin, lex is hairy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syzygyy/pseuds/syzygyy
Summary: What would daily life under Christmas, in a post apocalyptic household be like?
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Kudos: 23
Collections: A very Batjokes Christmas





	Just last family on earth things

“Have you seen the camera?” Bruce asks Diana in the front yard. She’s bringing the wood inside the house for the fireplace.

“Last time I checked it was next to the cupboard” he leads the way and opens the door.

The scene in front of his eyes is what one could’ve described as hell broke loose. The living room, _thrashed_ , some vases and decorations broken all over the place, the lamp fallen on the sofa cushion and the Christmas tree horizontal on the floor. Only a crime scene can do worse.

Baby Clark comes suddenly in the room from the left, flying, that’s right, _flying_ , dragging Joker in his robin suit in the air with him. He’s clinging to his little hips with his hands and Bruce can see that the baby’s little diaper is undone on one side...He just knows what’s going on alright..

“Hahah Bruce! This poop got me flyin’!” Joker says before hitting another vase with his metal legs and disappearing into another room.

...A room that happens to be the kitchen, exactly where Alfred is coming from, handling a tray with the almighty Christmas stuffed turkey... And it’s a miracle how he dodges them and it all doesn’t end up on the floor like _everything_ else.

“Oh, dear!” he exclaims, as he quickly vacates the way for Dick, who’s chasing the flying duo trying to catch the baby as if it’s a baseball match.

But, as if it isn’t enough, a large Scottish deerhound comes barking in the room and grabs the camera on the cabinet with his mouth.

“Lex!” everybody exclaims at the same time.

“Lexie, here good boy, give me the camera!” tries Bruce.

“Woof!” 

But the good boy is having none of the _good_ part and flees with his prize. Or at least he tries because Alfred, who’s apparently the real super hero, gets in his way, holding a jar of dog cookies for him.

“Here...”

The gigantic dog stops in his tracks and quickly forgets about the camera. But then, the weirdest thing happens. Baby Clark, after finishing his 15th flying round of the house, sees the scene as well and stops in the living room, suddenly very interested in those cookies...Joker lands on his robotic feet before catching the baby in his hands.

“Guguh!” the baby says, indicating the cookie jar with his little hands...

“I can’t believe this...”

”Are you kidding me??”

”Dear lord...”

”Joker...”

“Why is everyone looking at me...I’m a good daddy!” he giggles and the sound makes Clark giggle as well in his large hands.

“Jokeeerr-“ Bruce continues.

“I-uhhhh- I’m sorry guys...he seemed so interested in those cookies last week...I couldn’t say no to him...”

“Dick!!!”

There’s a pause in which everyone stares at Dick instead. Even Lex lets out a disappointed canine sound and lays down on the floor.

“Come on...super stomach needs special cookies, right? ...No?”

They all shake their heads, but they’re all holding back a laugh.

“Can’t we just let this go? Look I’ve got the camera here!” he grabs the tripod - where the hell do you get a tripod in a post apocalyptic world anyway?? - and places the camera on top of it.

They take their positions in the still thrashed living room, the perfect background.

“So...Everyone say guguh!?”

“Guguh!!”

3, 2, 1...

_ Snap! _

Alfred stands in the middle, with his hands behind his back; on his left, Diana, hands on her hips and still holding her wood axe; on his right there’s Bruce, smiling with his arms crossed on his chest; immediately next to Bruce towers his now very robotic, former archenemy, ex manic criminal, psychotic murderer, etc., newly acquired _dad_ _and_ _boyfriend_. He’s cheerfully holding a very happy baby cryptonian with his hands above his head; crouched in front of them all, there’s Dick Grayson, showing a dog cookie with a hand; and finally, the good boy himself Lex, staring very attentively at the cookie in front of him.

“Family”, reads the only word behind that picture.


End file.
